So, after four flights and two layovers this past week I consider an expert at traveling with a toddler. Just one toddler. I already told Lenny that traveling with more than one child seems impossible and that if we have another one relatives just have to come to us. I saw some parents traveling with multiple children on this trip, and let me tell you if there was one of those safe baby drops in terminal C at the Houston airport if would be stuffed full of children…screaming children.
So let me tell you my secrets to traveling with one toddler. Here is the deal, forget all of your rules when you travel. Do you limit screen time? Forget it! Do you shun refined sugar? Who cares? Are you avoiding nitrates? Preservatives? These rules do not apply at ten thousand feet!!!
If you have been doing any of the above things you are off to a great start. The more rules you have at home, the more excited your toddler will be when they get to break them in the sky. Before our trip I stocked up on all kinds of junk food that I would normally never give my kid. Flavor blasted goldfish, chocolate covered biscuits, chocolate chip granola bars, potato chips… whatever keeps your kid from screaming and kicking the seat in front of them.
Next, get an iPad, tablet, whatever. TV is like crack for toddlers. They can’t get enough of it! Before our trip I downloaded an entire season of Yo Gabba Gabba and some Elmo. Leo watched a total of three hours on our second flight yesterday- but he wasn’t screaming so I consider it a win.
Also, relax a little have a Chardy. You don’t like chardonnay? Too bad. Red wine is too much of a risk with turbulence and and you’re a mother, you can’t order a vodka soda or Jack and ginger of you will look like a drunk. And enjoy some of those snacks… you deserve them.
And before I go, I have to thank the fine people at the Houston airport for this amazing invention that allows you to strap your child to the wall while you pee so that they don’t crawl out under the stall forcing you to run after them with your pants down. Not that it’s ever happened to me… They should have these on every wall in America. Not just in bathrooms.