how this feels

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I’ve given myself a few days to mourn. But now I am scared and energized.

I have been volunteering night and day for Hillary Clinton over the past few months, organizing local volunteers to phone bank or get on busses to Nevada and Arizona. I worked very hard and my work did not pay off.

To be honest, I did not plan for this. I did not imagine an America where we could elect a man who degrades women, muslims, latinos, the disabled and threatens our civil liberties.

Michelle Obama’s mandate, “When they go low, we go high” has been a constant reminder throughout this campaign which got very dark at times. Now it rings truer than ever but I never thought that we would have to go SO FUCKING HIGH. In the face of blatant xenophobia that we have seen from Trump and so many of his supporters, we have to be the good in this country. We may end up in uncomfortable situations. We may have to explain things to our children that we do not want to deal with even as adults. But we must help each other and be the good that we want to see.

I think back to my American History classes in high school, learning about the suffragettes, Harriet Tubman, Civil rights and Women’s rights leaders and what it must have felt like to be in their shoes. To be afraid, truly afraid. What would I have done if I had been  alive then? The girl I was then and the woman I was even a few months ago may have stayed home. I don’t think I can be that girl anymore. Hillary taught me more about being an American than any textbook or professor ever could. In the face of every obstacle imaginable she has never given up the fight for a better America.

I took a minute to process our loss but now as I look forward to Trump and his potential cabinet choices, I am truly afraid. The progressive America that seemed so tangible on Tuesday seem overwhelmingly out of reach today.

We were truly too comfortable in our pantsuits and our suffragette white on election day. My generation has been blessed with liberties that were earned on the backs of our elders… but it is our turn now.

Today I still cry, but tomorrow I fight. I fight for my children, my friends that are scared for their marriages and their children, immigrants, Muslim Americans… for anyone that needs me.

This may not be comfortable or safe, but it will be right. We are stronger together.